No Matter What Happens
by Silly-Little-Teacup
Summary: Riku keeps having nightmares and he believes himself to be a condemned man because of it. Can an optimistic young boy help change his perspective on life? *Crap Description but hopefully better content* Contains Yoai, so don't read unless you understand.
1. Beginnings and Endings

**This is the first fanfiction of mine that hasn't been a 'one shot.'**

**I am new to this whole fanfiction thing... so I ask you; if you do decide to comment on my post, please do so fairly. I do not consider myself any good at writing stories (I like writing to pass the time... nothing more). Please feel free to comment on my writing skills. I won't appreciate flames though; as I think that they are pointless and it just wastes too much energy. I don't understand how one could be so angry.. and I certainly don't appreciate it here thanks. **

**I chose Riku X Sora, as they are a favourite of mine, but I know it may be a little outdated at this point... I realise I may not have many readers :( (which is a pity because I love them XD). I remember completing the game around 6 years ago and I always thought that the relationship between those characters were more than the game let on... maybe it was just me?**

**Anyway, I don't have to tell you that this fic contains Yaoi. If you don't like boy on boy, then you either clicked this on mistake or you're in denial ;)**

**P.S: We all know that I don't own KH nor any of the characters. So please don't sue me!**

**P.P.S: Without insulting your intelligence; the odd symbols are supposed to denote a change in character. I know this doesn't take a genius to figure out... but I thought I'd state it nonetheless, just to be on the safe side ;).**

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"No matter what happens, I will always love you. You will always come first". The woman stood next to the young boy and took him firmly in her arms, grasping and squeezing the life out of him.

Riku could see the tears forming in her perfect eyes. He desperately wanted to ask what the hell was going on but it became apparent that he wouldn't have the time, as the woman holding him forcefully took his arm and led him to the window.

"Now listen" she said, her voice shaking "I want you to jump and run. You have to keep running Riku. Promise me you won't give up".

The tears were freely running down her face now. He reached out and took her cheek in his small hand, running his thumb over the delicate moisture.

"Promise me" she repeated with urgency. Riku sighed. He didn't know what was going on and he was more terrified then he'd ever been in his life, although he wouldn't admit that to anyone, especially not her.

He was unable to form any words, so gulping frantically his eyes met a tear-soaked set of turquoise orbs. He wanted to look at her forever but something told him they were running out of time.

"I promise" he managed to say eventually.

She gave him one quick hug and shoved a small envelope in his hand. "This should explain everything. I knew something like this would happen" she quivered. "Now please go; there's not much time"

Hesitantly taking the envelope, Riku took one last glance and the only woman he'd ever love and jumped out of the window. He fell to the ground harshly, letting out a restrained groan. He wanted to scream but he knew he'd only attract unwanted attention.

Mustering all his strength, he got up and limped as quickly as he could towards the garden that stood behind the dingy two bedroom house. He made his way over to the makeshift fence that hazily sat at the bottom of the long stretch of grass. He knew there were gaps in the meshed wire; remembering all the drunk teenagers who'd cut through his garden on their journey home throughout the years.

He quickly found an opening, and tossing the envelope on the other side, he clawed his way through the small hole. How people managed to do this on a weekly basis he'd never know!

Slightly out of breath, Riku chanced one last glance at the house he'd grown so accustomed to. There was a field behind the house, and Riku took a chance and hid behind a tree close to the building. He knew she wanted him to keep running but he had to know what he was running from.

Curiously he stood and watched the woman who was only with him moments before suddenly turn away from the window. Her shoulders were hunched up in panic. Riku couldn't see who was talking to her.

He couldn't hear anything...

Except for the gun shot seconds later.

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Riku gasped. Cold beads of sweat were running down his back, neck and face at a rapid rate. He glanced automatically at the clock. It was 3:30am! How the hell would he manage at school tomorrow?

He groaned out loud. He hated school. He didn't mind the academic part; it was the people he hated. Everyone was the same; the same mindless, egocentric, "let's all judge each other on everything 'cos that's what's important in life" kind of people.

He couldn't stand the attention. Yes he was popular but not by choice. If he had his way, everyone would just leave him alone. He supposed it was this in itself that made him intriguing to other students; the whole break away from the stereotypical norm, coupled with his general isolation and good looks (so he'd been told) made him a mystery and fascination to all who saw him.

He sighed and stared at the blank ceiling. He doubted he'd get any sleep now. Almost every night he'd have that nightmare. It was starting to get to him.

He searched his brain for any possible negotiation to get him back to sleep. He could still feel his heart beating rapidly. He only had two solutions for his insomnia, and both weren't rational or orthodox in many people's eyes (not that he'd tell anyone about it). Admitting defeat, he leaned over his single bed and groped the floor underneath searching for something, his long silver mane falling to his face, impairing his vision in the small darkened room that was only lit by the dim glow of moonlight.

Upon lightly touching the small wooden box hidden away, he knew his search was over. Sighing again, he retrieved it and opened it without caution.

God he hated this. But he also hated the thought of going to school tomorrow and right now all he wanted to do was sleep.

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Sora couldn't wait to start school tomorrow! In fact he was so excited about finally being a senior that he couldn't get an ounce of sleep. Not that it mattered. Sora was one of those people who had too much energy for someone of their size and a couple of hours of sleep deprivison was not going to impair that. It was one of his main characteristics; the fact that he could be so energetic and optimistic no matter what circumstance he was in.

He stretched out on the bed, his back digging into the soft mattress. He lazily drew both his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He was too excited. He wanted to go next door and wake up Roxas and tell him so, but he knew his brother would kill him. Roxas wasn't as eccentric or as energetic as Sora. The only thing they shared in common was their stubbornness and Sora didn't want to risk an argument at half 3 in the morning over something as stupid as waking his twin up for no apparent reason (even though he had every right to, and it was a good reason damn it!).

A small, innocent smile appeared on the young man's lips. Everything would be better this year; he'd be the top year in school, he'd get to meet other people (he had worked hard last year and he was hoping to be placed in a more advanced English class this year) and he'd be 18 soon enough (although he and Roxas were born in late August, but he wouldn't let that thought bother him too much).

Yep he couldn't wait. Just a few hours to go and he'd be arriving in school with a new status. A new school year meant almost a new beginning. And he was sure he'd make this year count.


	2. The First of Many

**Because the first chapter was so short, I thought I'd submit the second one straight away. **

**If anyone reads this, please let me know what you think... just so I know if I should continue with this story.**

*** P.S I still don't have a beta. I hope that I have not made too many errors :( **

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Roxas was a light sleeper. He hated this fact. He also hated it when his brother decided to bounce on his bed at 7 in the morning

"Roxas get up. Get up Rox, it's the first day of school" Sora sang happily, seemingly unaware that his twin was thinking of an alibi for when he murders him.

"God Sora" groaned Roxas, dragging a pillow behind his head, in an attempt to stifle the pounding he felt, not only in his head, but on his mattress. "Will you get the fuck off my bed before I get Cloud on your ass" He barely muttered from his pillow

"Awwww c'mmon now Roxy. You know I get excited" laughed Sora, finally ceasing of his relentless jumping, and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah but you also know I get pissed when you disturb my sleep like this!" Roxas said, exasperated. He rolled over on his back, and faced his twin who was annoyingly beaming at him. He grunted and slapped a hand to his face out of desperation. He should have known Sora would be here... the boy gets too wound up for his own good.

Roxas sighed to himself angrily and sat up in bed. He met a pair of cerulean eyes and took it upon himself to knock the owner off his bedside. The brunette yelped at the sudden intrusion.

"Goddamn it Rox" The boy proclaimed, rubbing the side of his head. "You didn't have to be like that" he sighed, rubbing the swollen area, where his head collided with the floor.

Roxas giggled to himself. Sora's enthusiasm must have been infectious. He graciously climbed out of bed and descended towards the smell of bacon, knowing that Cloud was making their pre-school meal.

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Cloud could hear them confronting each other again. He sighed and continued to flip the bacon that was on the stove. Those two boys of his were too opposite to ever have a morning of peace and quiet. Not a day passed when they weren't quarrelling over something.

No sooner had the thought left his mind; he heard the sounds of small foot-steps descending down the stairs behind him, followed by loud banging noises brought on by running.

He recognised both boys' footsteps immediately. He turned around to find Roxas quietly sitting on the round table in the open living room/kitchen, joined by Sora panting from the running.

"Roxas snapped you out of your pre-school excitement eh Sora?" Cloud smiled quietly, his back still facing them as he continued to cook breakfast.

"You should have told me you were making food... you know I love your breakfasts!" Beamed Sora, taking a seat next to his twin.

Roxas began laughing quietly "That and every other food known to man".

Sora pouted. It was true the boy had an incredible appetite and was known for his excitement over food.

Grumbling was heard in the distance and the three men turned to gaze at the other sibling in the corridor

"You didn't have to talk so loudly Sora. I could hear your jumping and shouting from upstairs. You woke me up" he complained.

Sora apologetically glanced at his brother. "Sorry Ven" he muttered.

Without a word, the youngest child turned and headed back upstairs but not before muttering a "have a nice day" in his wake.

Cloud smiled in spite of himself. It amazed him how the triplets could be so different from each other. Sora, the oldest had completely different hair to the other two and was definitely the most confident of the three. In fact, Cloud had always thought that the boy had way too much energy for his own good and his optimistic personality was far too unfamiliar to his or to Tifas (his wife). Roxas was quieter yet he had a more daring attitude. He was more clued up on situations than Sora was, but he had a penchant for losing his temper, especially if he didn't understand what was going on. And then there was Ven. Poor Ven. He and Roxas were completely identical. Like Roxas, Ven was quiet but he seemed to have lacked any social skills. He was incredibly frail and wouldn't talk to anyone for a long period of time. He had the kindest heart Cloud had ever seen.

But since birth, Ven had suffered from a heart condition; a congenital heart defect. Cloud remembered trying to explain to his two other children at a young age, and had coined the phrases "it's like he has half a heart" or "his heart isn't strong enough". It was this, coupled with his social awkwardness, which led to Ventas being home schooled. This meant he didn't have to wake up the same time as his brothers, and would be taught by two different teachers; Aqua and Terra. Both were trainee teachers (which made their fees less substantial than most home school teachers) but Ven had grown to love them and he seemed to be learning well.

Once breakfast was finished with, the two boys departed in Sora's car, since Roxas had had his licence suspended for a year for reckless driving (how he had managed this, Cloud would never know but he was almost afraid to ask) and departed towards school.

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Sora wouldn't stop moving in his seat as he drove. He knew it irritated his brother terribly but he couldn't help it. He could feel the adrenaline and the electricity pulsing through his nerves in excitement. He just couldn't wait to be senior. Finally the day was here! He was mere inches from the school and he was excited and the prospect of being in the English honours class; something which he felt he deserved, seeing as he worked so damn hard at it.

Once inside the building, Sora and Roxas eventually found their sea of friends, who stood out against the younger more timid freshmen that surrounded them (surely they weren't like that when they first got here? And there's so many of them! They all look so adorably tiny!).

"Hey Sora! Roxas!" Shouted the voice of the familiar red head they had grown up with. Kairi was also a twin and ironically enough, Sora and Kairi held a strong bond, whilst both of their respective twins were closer.

Sora smiled and greeted the girl along with her twin. Roxas gave Kairi and Namine (Kairi's twin) a brief hug before joining Hayner to ask when the struggle try-outs began this year.

"I can't believe you made Captain Hay!" Roxas beamed at his companion, not a trace of resentment that he'd lost the position to him. "We'll show that Traverse high what we're made of this year; I totally know you'll be the best!"

Haynet laughed heartedly and patted Roxas on the back. They were quickly joined by Pence and Ollette who then began discussing timetables, assignments and the last week of summer vacation and other things that Sora could no longer be bothered to listen to.

Instead he turned to his own group of friends. Tidus and Wakka were in a heated debate over Blitzball (no surprises there! Although Sora liked Blitzball he still thought that they were way too obsessional with the sport). Kairi and Selphie were "girl talking" and the higher-than-normal pitch in their voices, coupled with the infuriating giggling had become completely indistinguishable and damn right confusing.

Sora sighed in spite of himself. He almost wished he had someone completely for him. He loved his friends dearly, but sometimes he thought that he was the odd one out. Everyone had their "best friend". Roxas had Hayner. Pence had Ollette. Kairi had Selphie and Namine (because girls seem to effortlessly carry multiple friends) and Tidus had Wakka.

Before he could dwell on this too much (which probably wouldn't have been possible considering Sora had a rather small attention span) the bell rang and the group made their way to their respective homerooms to collect their timetable for the day.

"Hopefully I'll see you guys in one of my classes!" Sora yelled to the group who left. Roxas, Kairi and Namine followed him to the quiet room where familiar faces started to seep in the room, each sitting in their desks. The tables were not assigned to any particular person, but he supposed after over 2 years, people have a habit of keeping to the same desk.

Sora, Roxas, Kairi and Namine all took their seat on the far right hand row, closest to the window. Their teacher, Mrs. Fair (who was also the biology teacher) entered the room gracefully. Sora felt his heart warm; he always had a fondness for the woman. She seemed so kind yet strong and it was definitely something he respected. She had been so kind to Roxas and him and she had even admitted to knowing their father, although she did not tell them any details regarding the matter. All Sora knew was that Cloud had gone to her wedding at some point; he may even have been the best man, but for some reason they never really talked about it.

"Ok class" she calmly announced. "I will call out the registration and then I will distribute your timetables for the academic year accordingly".

She then proceeded to call out each person individually. Upon the name "Hime", Kairi and Namine both rose from their seats to collect their sheets.

"I can't believe you won't take art with me Kai!" Namine moaned after glancing at her sister's timetable.

Kairi chuckled to herself "You know I'm completely useless at that!" She giggled "Besides, I wanted to take history and geography and you can't stand either."

When the teacher finally called out "Strife", Sora immediately leapt from his seat and prodded Roxas swiftly with his finger. Roxas jumped out of his seat; he had clearly zoned out throughout the entire ordeal.

"Here are your timetables boys" Mrs. Faire added with what seemed like a personal smile towards the two students who reminded her of her childhood friend.

Roxas swiftly examined his sheet before glancing over his brother's shoulder. He let out a soft moan

"I can't believe you're in Advanced English! You're so lucky!"

Sora laughed to humour his brother. He knew exactly what that remark entailed. As he was now in Advanced English, it would surely mean that he'd be "honoured" enough to be in the company of the famous Riku Shinrin. Riku was renowned for being one of the most popular, most intelligent boys in their year and Sora couldn't quite understand why. The brief fleeting glances in some remote corridor of the school were the only reference points he had, but nonetheless Sora quickly denounced any remarkable talent the boy had. From what he knew and saw, Riku was nothing special and he had no idea why his brother had become so fascinated with him over the years.

"Don't worry Rox" Sora smiled whole heartedly "Perhaps this year is an excuse to talk to him!"

Completely denying the suggestive tone of his brother's voice, Roxas chose to ignore Sora and promptly sat back down on his seat, where Namine and Kairi were both eyeing him suspiciously.

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Sora scanned the room. He wasn't sure if he'd been in this room before but it didn't matter; this room was the first time he'd enter as an "English Honours Student" and that made him more excited then he'd even been during high school.

He eagerly sat down at the closest seat by the door. He studiously unpacked all the things he'd need and placed them neatly on his desk. He wasn't gonna mess up this class; no way! He had worked too hard to let anything distract him and right now he was eagerly awaiting the arrival of the no doubt incredible teacher who would lead him on a path to self discovery and academic prowess. The events that occurred earlier in the day were a haze in his mind; history with Kairi, French with Pence and Ollette. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But now was the moment he was waiting for, for god knows how long. Today he would finally be liberated; to be taken seriously by his scholars... he just knew it.

The door flew open and in came his teacher. He had choppy, medium length brown hair (it was just below his shoulders, but Sora had seen so many boys with hair to their waists, so for him it was "medium") and an interesting scar which graced his delicate facial features; no doubt marking him as the "mysterious" intellectual amongst his peers.

"Right settle down now. I don't want to be yelling on my...ahem… our first day back. Will you all please calmly sit down so I can read the register so we can begin" the teacher calmly announced.

Whilst everyone was busy setting their books and stationary on their respective tables, Sora took the opportunity to dive into his backpack for his timetable.

'Professor. S. Leonhart 'the sheet read. So he was a professor eh? He obviously knew what he was doing!

"Ok 5-4-3-2-1 and I am now going to assign anyone who isn't ready a detention. I want to call out the registration now, got it?" The professor smirked.

After the registration was done the teacher explained to them in detail the outline of their future course;

"And just because 'The Dharma Bums' * is a relatively short story does not mean you can slack off. As you're reading please make note of any religious implications... I can assure you it will be of use as the year progresses. That's just a hint but honestly, if one more person writes 'This is just another stupid story by a boring adult *'; I will give you a detention" He trailed off smirking as the crowd of students before him hurriedly wrote the information he'd just stated.

Sora had literally just finishing writing the last of his notes when the door spontaneously flew open. It took him a moment to realise that behind it was a student, flustered, panting very deeply and clearly out of breath. The boy had obviously slept in late or something along those lines and was rushing to get to his lectures.

"Ahhh.." Stated Professor Leonhart. He leant on his desk and folded his arms above his chest "I was expecting you to make an entrance. I'm so glad you could grace us with your presence".

The boy in question stepped forward so that the class could see him and not just hear his masculine, heavy breathing.

Sora's mouth flew open. This was the guy! Seriously... _him_? He had never seen Riku up close but to Sora he seemed a little... what was the word he was looking for? Dysfunctional… maybe? It was obvious that the guy didn't have any sense of timekeeping; he looked incredibly flustered and worn out. Sora concluded he was no good for Roxas.

Even if his hair was very intriguing...

Sora blushed. When did he start to give a damn about hair all of a sudden? But it was true... it was captivating. Sora had never really seen hair like that. As well as those eyes. They were a beautiful aquamarine colour but there was a history behind them. Perhaps it was hurt... or discomfort. Perhaps it was self-loathing or a futile hatred of some sort. He wasn't sure but he knew there was something there... and perhaps that mystery was part of the appeal of Riku to begin with?

"I'm sorry _sir_" Riku announced, clearly aggravated by Professor Leonharts amusement of the situation "I slept through my alarm and I made it here as quickly as I could."

The teacher sighed... Sora could tell he didn't want the hassle but probably had some pride issue.

"Well seeing as you're normally punctual Mr. Shinrin; I'll make an exception this time." He paused, looking directly into Riku's eyes. "But know this; if you ever do so again I will give you a detention as fast as you can say "Sorry". You're just lucky that you caught me at the beginning of term, when I'm at my most _cooperative_." He smirked.

Sighing in what appeared to be relief; Riku promptly sat down at the vacant table behind Sora but not before meeting Sora in full eye contact. Riku's irises glared at Sora with upmost intensity. It almost pained Sora. It felt like Riku was burning through his soul... like he was questioning or testing him. Regardless of what it was; it frightened him.

"I knew I wouldn't fit in here" He thought "No one likes the new kid".

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The rest of the lesson went in a blur in Sora's mind. He found it strange. He was so looking forward to his lecture but he could not concentrate.

It was possibly due to the fact that Mr. Leonhart was as mundane as he could possibly comprehend. Granted, the man clearly knew his facts, but he was also very sombre and quiet; only talking when necessary, rather than for the sake of keeping the atmosphere pleasant.

The bell rang before he knew it. Gathering up his reading list for the semester; Sora quickly packed his bags and made for the door. At least at lunch he could compare; compare the ambience and content of the other English class, in the hope that they'd be worse off than he was.

In his haste he collided with another student. He quickly fell to the floor… damn his childish bone structure!

After finally accepting that he wasn't dying; Sora glanced up at the terrible individual who left him in this position.

It was none other than Riku. The very Riku who's eyes glistened like the tide. The very Riku who came in late. The very Riku who was tardy and appeared somewhat inconsiderate. The same Riku who his brother was infatuated with.

Sora tried to make a sound. He really did. In what seemed like a coherent moment, was in reality a series of gargling sounds mixed with grunting noises. At first he couldn't understand why, but the pain in his right shoulder from where he crashed into his peer might have been some sort of indication to his inability to speak normally... surely that must be it; pure shock and pain had disabled him. Riku had paralyzed him… the fiend!

"Uhh... yeah. Sorry I guess" Riku muttered, playing with his hair absently whilst he talked.

Sora managed to compose himself for a minute to mutter an "ok" before clumsily lifting himself up before he stumbled again.

"Whoa" Riku gasped, hurriedly clutching onto Sora before he met his doom (i.e. face down on the concrete floor) "Don't go putting yourself into a coma now"

Sora glanced up at him and muttered a "whatever" before completely denying the situation had ever occurred and swiftly walking out the room into the cafeteria. He figured Riku would have found the situation highly amusing; and he didn't want to inflate what was sure to be his massive ego.

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Riku sighed. Fair enough. He wasn't expecting a "thank you"...

Well if he was honest he was expecting something. The usual awkward awe that people normally exhibited around him perhaps? The stupid chat up lines; the cheesy smiles.

But no. It surprised him a little. When he had come to class, the boy had given him such an intense stare. It felt slightly different to his normal ones. It wasn't dripping in affecting or admiration and to be honest; it felt nice. It's like the boy was scrutinizing him for something real. How little that guy knew...

Quietly he made his way to the lunch queue. He wouldn't have to wait long to get something. Even though he felt a little guilty abusing his hold on people; he was more than tired of fighting it off and today, all he wanted to do was grab some food, take some pain killers and crawl into an empty space for the rest of the day.

After getting a light lunch (a chicken pasta salad… he would have preferred a regular salad but the lunch lady made a slight speech about him needing "more than rabbit food" to get him through the day) he made his way over to his table, where his "group" were eagerly awaiting.

There were 5 of them all together. He liked the people he kept company with, but sometimes they were a bit much for him. Axel was considered his "best friend". He was always so goddamned cheerful and witty (despite being incredibly sensitive and sulky when he wanted to). He also attracted a lot of attention.

For some reason that Riku couldn't fathom; Axel was labelled as a "bad boy". It was probably due to his intense red, long spiky hair, coupled with diamond tattoos under both his eyes (which he "insisted" was a dare by his older brother, Reno, who also had facial tattoos but on the sides on his cheekbones). It was further from the truth. Axel was a bit cocky and a bit of a joker but he was one of the nicest guys around... even if he did vocalise anything he found unpleasant; including teaching methods. This was probably the reason why Axel wasn't in any of his honour classes; which was a pity, as Riku knew he'd be more than capable if he would just bother to pay attention and stop trying to make a joke out of everything the teacher said.

Demyx and Zexion were the couple in the group. Not officially, but it was more than obvious. Riku couldn't understand that one either. They looked cute together (if he had to admit it) but they were completely opposite in many ways. Zexion was a closed book (but ironically he had an open novel with him at all times) and Riku almost appreciated his ability to isolate himself from everything. He was in all the honours classes; one of the most (if not the most) intelligent pupil in this school. Demyx however was a delightful oddball. He was so innocent but so dim that it made him loveable. He was dyslexic (and had formed a habit of writing certain key words phonetically on cards, should he need them… probably to impress Zexion) but was a gifted sitar player. Demyx made no attempt to hide his feelings for Zexion. It was adorable really, even if the boy had a habit of getting on Riku's nerves more often than not.

Then there was Irvine. Riku had no idea why he was in this group. He didn't really like the guy. Perhaps it was because the rest of them had a high reputation (Axel for being the "bad boy", Zexion for being the "mysterious, intelligent one" and Demyx for being... well Demyx) that Irvine had decided to hang around them. He cared a lot about reputation and he was constantly talking about it. He loved sleeping around... in fact he called it a "hobby" at one point. He was also an avid member of the NRA and would talk about how many things he'd shot at great length. Riku supposed that after a while, the rest of the group just gave up on dismissing him and eventually he just stuck.

"I'm telling you man; I'm going right over there now to ask her out" he heard Irvine announce whilst dramatically slamming his hands on the table

Axel looked at him completely bored "Sure you are" he replied sarcastically "You've been on about this for MONTHS now Irv. I mean seriously; you have as many women as you want… why don't you just think with your dick like you normally do and just ask her out already?"

Irvine shot him a glaring look; "That's because Selphie's just AMAZING! I mean look at her… she's perfect. I'd have her god damn it… I just need to be cool that's all"

Axel smirked "Yeah of course man. Why don't you start by telling her about all the birds you shot over the weekend? I'm sure she'll love that as much as we did" He replied sarcastically "Or maybe you should lead with you telling her about having her timetable memorised or maybe following her after school…. You don't sound like a stalker at all man."

Riku laughed as he sat down, only to be met by a semi-intimidating gaze. Irvine then proceeded to point at the girl in question

"Honestly look at her! Wouldn't you agree that she's gorgeous? All of you would have her!" Irvine practically shouted. The boys on the table (as well as some nearby students) took the opportunity to gawk at him in disbelief. They waited patiently for him to realise what he was saying. After several minutes, it seemed like Irvine had come to realise the obvious;

"Oh yeah I forgot." He muttered "Well if all of you weren't fags, I'd be tearing you to shreds 'cause you know you'd want a piece of that if you were straight".

He did have a point. Riku glanced over to the table where Selphie and her friends were sat. She obviously spent time on her looks; no one would have hair that flicks up like that naturally. He briefly took in the girl's surrounding environment. She was surrounded by a group of people; most of which he didn't recognise (he wasn't that bothered about meeting new people). Selphie was sat next to a pretty girl with shoulder length wine-coloured hair and they were both laughing at a boy opposite who was pulling silly faces for their amusement. Riku recognised the boy as the one he'd bumped into earlier.

He smiled at the contrast in the boy's behaviour. When Riku had met him he seemed wary and distant. But in this timeframe he was at ease. He had a lovely smile… it was so genuine. It made a change from the smiles that Riku saw; the ones where there was some secret motive behind it. No… this boy radiated pure innocence. It intrigued him slightly but he chose to ignore the feeling. He had other things to occupy his mind. Things that would leave him awake at night in a pool of cold sweat. God he wished he could lead a normal life. To make friends, to talk to guys he liked, to go out at night and enjoy his youth. But no… he was doomed to a life of regret and anguish and it saddened him deeply.

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Roxas couldn't contain himself at lunch. He tried to mask the urge to talk to his brother about Riku all through the period but he just couldn't quite manage it.

"For the last time Roxas; no I have I don't have any idea what he's in to." Snapped Sora. Roxas knew he was pushing his luck; it was a rare occasion when Sora lost his cool. But he wanted to know more about the intriguing silver-haired god. There was only so much information one could get from observing from a distance.

"You haven't mentioned him a single time!" Whined Roxas "Surely you found out _something_ from being in his class?"

He watched Sora sigh and run his hand through his hair. That can't be good. But Roxas didn't care. It wasn't common for him to be all 'gossipy' and excited over something… and he knew Sora knew that. The least Sora could do was humour him slightly.

"Well… all I know is that he was late coming in today. He seemed distant and perhaps slightly arrogant." Sora turned to his brother, who was wearing a disheartened frown "But he did look mysterious and troubled… and I admit he has nice hair" he added quickly.

Roxas thought for a while. He himself was mysterious and troubled. Well… not really but he was quiet and somewhat independent and moody and he could always try to imitate Riku's traits. If he tried hard enough, he was sure to get Riku's attention.

Satisfied, he left his twin alone to converse with the rest of the group. He sat happily in his seat, prodding at his fruit salad whilst devising a cunning plan to ensnare the boy he had been secretly admiring for a long time.

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Riku paced his room. He had been back from school for quite some time now and he was still alone and getting rather restless.

"Where are they?" He muttered angrily. He didn't like being on his own. No that wasn't necessarily true; he liked being on his own, rather, he didn't like being alone in a building by himself. He'd be content sitting in his room alone, so long as there was someone else in the house. It made him feel uneasy and on edge that there was no one there. Often he'd hear phantom noises. Sometimes the cry of a lonely cat, the rustling of the trees outside or the creaking of a door turned into scenarios of him being in the upmost danger or something as overdramatic.

There was only one thing for it. He sighed heavily and made his way to his bed. He slowly bent down onto his knees and pulled out the wooden box from underneath.

He took a moment to contemplate what he should do

"Which type of 'medication' shall it be tonight then?" He pondered.

After several minutes of guessing he chose the liquid form. He had taken the herbal form last night and he'd prefer some sort of variation.

God he hated it. He wished life hadn't come to this. He hated that he had to numb the pain. He hated that he felt so weak. But he couldn't help it. He had formed a habit; a dependence. It made everything seem a little better. It made him forget; made everything into a haze where he could sit back and not have to worry about nightmares or the stresses of things that were or that will be. Not having to worry about the past or present sometimes felt like a comforting option in his opinion.

He quickly made his way to his door and locked it. Thank god they had a lock when he moved in; it had become very useful these past few years.

He slowly made his way to his bed and opened the full half litre bottle of vodka. At 17 he was still under age (although he would be turning 18 in less than a week which meant he could legally buy the stuff; which he was more than grateful for). He had charmed his way in order to obtain it every couple of days. He'd either flirt miraculously with a cashier (male or female) or he'd find someone on the street to buy it for him. It was times like these where he could use his natural charisma and his appearance to his advantage. He'd often feel terrible about it, but after a couple of shots it all seemed worth it in his opinion.

He sat down and let the burning liquid seep down his oesophagus. He rather enjoyed the feeling. At first it burned terribly and he would often cough in disgust, but lately he found the feeling comforting. It meant that soon everything would be forgotten about. God knows he had no one to talk to about it… not that he was willing to do so anyway.

He reached over to his laptop that was sitting on a desk opposite. He clicked on a playlist that read 'songs from the past' and slowly made his way back to his bed, lying down. The first melody played at an unreasonably loud volume, although he didn't care; he quite liked the drowning noise. He could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes as he nostalgically listened. He felt comforted; but it was a comfort that was too distorted and held too many bad memories. He lay there in an immobile state of perpetual sadness mixed with an overwhelming sense of familiarity… and all he could do was cry until the feeling of nothingness began to take hold; temporarily deafening any possible anxiety or fear he may have. He was at peace now. He knew he'd pay the price tomorrow, but to him all that mattered was the here and now. One small step at a time was all he needed. He knew, inevitably that tomorrow would bring the same trauma. He didn't care. He slowly shut his eyes, his left hand still clinging desperately to the liquid bliss. He allowed himself to think of the boy he met today. Such honesty. So captivating despite the obvious sincerity in his features. How he wished he could be like that. How he admired the boy who was seemingly untouched by corruption… who still maintained innocence even after some 17 odd years of life.

After what seemed like several hours of variation between crying and aweing, the boy fell asleep. The empty bottle of vodka had been haphazardly thrown on the floor some time ago. His breathing was fast and uneven; clearly a sign that he was knocked out as opposed to naturally falling asleep. His mind was completely clouded and he had no time to dream. His mind was a buzz but he felt content. And that's all he had ever wanted from a night. He didn't even hear the rest of the household re-enter the establishment. He had long forgotten any upcoming assignments or even school the next morning. The silver hair beauty sprawled out in his bed; his hair wildly adorning his pillows. The moonlight eerily glowed on his face, and for those who looked closed enough; thin trails of liquid decorated his face from his eyes to his chin; leaving the remnants of dried out tears.

If the teenager was conscious he wouldn't have cared. This was all he needed. He foresaw many more nights like this… it was all he knew and it was the only comfort he had in this world.

**A/N**

*** Dharma Bums: Obviously the work of Jack Kerouac. My boyfriend is studying English Lit at a degree level, and I know he studied this and thought it was amazing. I however, am not studying this so I have no idea of the content. I am just taking snippets of my boyfriend's work and portraying them in this story... if you have a problem with this work, I suggest you take if up with my other half :) **

***'"This is just another stupid story by a boring adult" - Squall :D. Yes I do make references from quotations of the FF series. Even though I LOVE KH... I am also a Final Fantasy Fan. And I intend to use as many quotes as I can get away with :P x **

**P.S: I would like to point out that I am not from America. I am trying to keep the characters 'American', seeing as they have the accent. If anyone who have read this is from America... could you be so kind as to give me a few guild lines as to your culture? Everything on here is basically a result of television/film and I'd like to be a little more realistic :(. I have no concept of 'high school', and I don't want to rely on 80's films :P**


	3. Misguided Decisions

**Before I continue on with the chapter, I'd like to answer the questions asked in the reviews I have had.**

***Acadia: I never liked Riku paired with Roxas either (they don't have much chemistry at all). I only did that as a reason to why Sora didn't want to talk to Riku. We all know Sora is ridiculously friendly and I thought that if he knew that his brother liked him, then he would be protective and not like Riku much. I wanted there to be a little bit of a struggle before the whole "we are in love" chapters, and it just seemed to fit at the time.**

***DemonNinjaOfTheLeaf48: Argggh I'm sorry! 'timetables' and 'registers' are the same as 'attendance' and 'schedules'. I knew I shouldn't have made it American :( ... I'll change it later to avoid confusion! And yes there will be eventual Axel X Roxas, I can't imagine them being with anyone else :D.**

**It took me ages to write this chapter out! I'm hoping SOME kind of action will happen soon enough!**

**P.S: Sorry I forgot to mention Riku's little habit of drinking and (mild) drug taking. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this, but he does have a reason for it, which I'll explain later.**

**Anyway, on with the chapter; sorry it's so short.**

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It was the end of the week and Sora was at a dilemma. He enjoyed his classes, without a doubt but something wasn't quite right. His mind would often look to the troublesome silver-head. He didn't like the boy; that much was certain… too many rumours. Too much arrogance and too much disrespect. But there was something there that was self-deprecating; something troublesome. He didn't like that. He had an aura about him that made Sora feel uneasy, and yet it was something he couldn't ignore. He liked helping people; it was in his nature to worry and help those in need, even if they were a stranger. It was a slightly unnerving mix where he felt the need to help but at the same time, Riku was just unapproachable. It frustrated him to say the least. None of this was in awe but simply a character flaw on his behalf; he wanted to help, even if it was someone like Riku.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen, where his father was once again making breakfast. He felt sorry for Cloud. Their mother, Tifa had passed away a few years ago and the agony was still clear on his face. The only person Sora felt more sympathetic for was Ven. He had taken it very badly; hence his withdrawal from society. Sora wished his dad had a companion; someone to talk to, to deal with the stress. God knows, his brothers and him had way too much to think about without talking 'deep' with their father about bereavement.

"What's wrong with you?" Cloud muttered, not even facing towards his eldest son.

"Nothing… I'm fine honestly" Sora remarked, in a slightly forcefully cheery manner.

"Hmmn" His father proclaimed. Right… Sora knew best not to lie to his father. He knew his children very well.

"Are Roxas and Ventus around?" Sora asked, completely changing the subject.

"Well Roxas should be getting up any minute now; or else I'll be sending you up" Cloud smirked "And of course Ven doesn't wake up 'til around 10:30 so I trust you'll leave him sleep… you know that already Sora".

Sora saw his father turn towards him, giving him a knowing stare. He regretted asking about Ven. He was getting more and more physically weak recently and it was a pretty sore subject to discuss. Nevertheless, Ven had made the effort to interact with his family and he seemed to be feeling better mentally. Terra and Aqua were doing a brilliant job at tutoring him and in Sora's opinion; Ven would soon be joining him and Roxas for their graduation at Destiny High.

Giving a silent, curt nod, Sora grabbed one of the stacked plates from the kitchen counter and made his way over to his father. Cloud stepped aside for him; spatula still at hand and apron still on, whilst Sora helped himself to scrambled egg, sausages and bacon and made his way to the breakfast table where a stack of toast and cutlery were resting. It was sad in a way; Cloud had never been like this. He was always so distant. He was still a loving father, but the boys had grown up with the often silent man. He was still very much silent but now he was always going the extra mile to make an effort for his children. He even gave up his job as a soldier in order to spend more time at home. Now he worked as a mechanic in his friend Cid's shop and even though it was less demanding, the pay wasn't nearly as good and Sora often wondered how his father had managed to support them.

It was 7:30 by the time Sora had finished his breakfast. Roxas still had yet to make an appearance and the kitchen had become uncomfortably silent in his opinion. It wasn't awkward, but Sora didn't like quietness; it made him fidget. His father cleared his throat and set his newspaper and coffee down so he could look at his son.

"Would you mind?" He simply asked.

Without a word Sora rushed up the stairs. He loved waking his brother up. He knew Roxas wasn't a morning person but he had always made it a goal that one day Roxas would appreciate the amount of energy Sora had and he'd be grateful for the effort. An impossible dream…

Giggling slightly he crept up the stairs, but not before nearly colliding into Ventus. The boy had his comforter tightly wrapped around him, his hair completely dishevelled and his face a pale colour

"Are you alright Ven? What are you doing up so early?" Sora asked, slightly concerned.

Ven looked up at his brother, his eyes seemed a haze but he smiled softly

"Yes I'm ok Sor." He muttered "Not feeling so great so I'm going to ask Dad to ring Aqua to cancel my 11 o clock lecture with her. Should be ok to see Terra later though" He sighed, looking down to the floor. Sora knew his brother hated letting on if he felt unwell. The fact that he wanted to cancel his class meant that he was definitely suffering.

"Well let me know if you need anything k? Now stop faking it and go tell Cloud before I tell on you" Laughed Sora, bringing his hand out to pat his sibling on the shoulder.

With a nod and a genuine smile, Ventus slowly made his way down the stairs, stopping every few minutes to re-arrange the fabric around him that slowly started to slide down his torso, covering his legs.

Sora sighed. That had put a dampener on this mood. He was optimistic though. The Strifes were fighters and he was sure that Ven's discomfort was only momentarily; he'd be running around soon. With that in mind, he shifted his attention onto his other twin. Laughing he crept up to Roxas' ajar door and with a fierce leap, jumped on the bed, once more interrupting the boy's sleep before being promptly kicked on his shin by an annoyed Roxas.

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"You gonna finish that?" Prodded Axel, his bony fingers already making their way to Riku's dessert.

Riku looked up at him and grunted. He shoved the offending item next to Axel in silence and turned his gaze back onto the table; his hand resting delicately on his head in an attempt to balance himself.

The hangover had well and truly gone at this point and all he had left to do now was think. Images kept flashing in his head. It annoyed him greatly. He couldn't focus on anything at the moment. All that he could feel was this gut-wrenching sense of panic and exhaustion, coupled with flashes of remnants from his dreams, even though he couldn't remember the last time he had actually dreamt. He was losing control of it; that he knew. Instead of waiting for the dream to play out, and then reaching for the drugs and alcohol when he was in a state of terror; he had formed a habit of 'dealing' with his pain before he went to sleep and before any thought infested itself in his brain but he still couldn't help see it in his sober state.

Needless to say, his "medication" wasn't helping. At the time it did and at the time he would be more than grateful but it only delayed everything. This, coupled with the aftereffects of whatever substance he was taking, was beginning to take hold of him. He felt stupid and worthless and he was done trying to pretend he was interested in anything anymore. His life was a joke; a meaningless effort.

Whenever he felt like this, he'd always turn his mind onto Sora. Yes, he had learned his name during the second class of the term (when he had actually managed to turn up on time). He had formed a habit of sitting either directly opposite the boy, or to the right of him. He couldn't understand the boy's appeal. Yes he was attractive in an 'adorable' kind of way… he had big blue eyes, an adorably young face and a lovely smile but it was more than that. Those things were only secondary to the innocence and vibrancy radiating from him. He supposed that Sora's resentment of him was also part of the appeal. A few times Riku had wondered if by terrible luck he was some sort of masochist… would explain why he preferred to surround himself in his misery rather than actively heal himself.

He didn't know why but to him, Sora felt different. He emanated light. He was refreshing and Riku desperately wanted him to be involved in his life somehow. He would often glance at him on their lunch breaks. Everyone around the brunet seemed to benefit from his presence… he would always make them laugh or perhaps say something profoundly optimistic that completely shattered any teenage angst.

Riku sighed and brought his gaze up to look at the small group at the other side of the hall. Once again he saw Sora laughing. He did that a lot. This time he was flailing his arms wildly in the air at two boys (one with curly, spiky hair; the other who was slightly stout, with long black hair pointing upright) whilst his brother or cousin (Riku guessed. He hadn't seen him before but he bore an uncanny resemblance to Sora so they must have been related somehow) looked down, shaking his head in mock disgust, but still donning an ever so slightly visible smirk.

"Perving are we dude?" came a voice from his side. He ignored it and looked back at the table. He felt a hand not-too-gently slap his back

"You've been looking at that table a lot recently eh?" Axel smirked "Can't say I blame you. After like the 15th time I caught you looking, I thought I'd sneak a peek to see what the fuss was about. That little blonde is a fox. You'd better not be eyeing him up, 'cause I have dibs and I have no problem with introducing you to my chakrams if you're interested in him dude".

Axel laughed by the side of him, but quickly stopped when he was met by a rather sad, but piercing gaze from his best friend.

"Whoa no need to get all deep with me man. Just sayin' you'd have a bit of a fight on your hands. Didn't even peg you as the type to go for the fiery ones" he said. His eyes glancing back at the spikey-haired blonde, who, despite the uniform, was donning a checkered wrist band, eyeliner and several hoop earrings along one ear.

Sighing, Riku turned to his friend "No I'm not looking at him" he grumbled. Seeing the obvious sign of relief plastered on Axel's face, he continued

"If you must know, I'm looking at the boy next to him. The one with brown hair. So if you don't mind we'll drop the conversation now, ok?"

"No way dude. We could so go and ask them to come to your birthday thing this weekend. You'll like it and god knows I'll like it. How about we corrupt them eh? 'Bout time we got some action around here apart from those two weirdoes over there" Axel said light-heartedly, motioning to Demyx and Zexion who were in the middle of an intense make-out session, much to Zexions' obvious embarrassment. Zex was not into public displays of affection but everyone knew he couldn't resist Demyx's pleas for long and the blonde was just too naïve to think that students would stare at them.

"Whoa, whilst you're there how about asking Selphie to tag along? You know after a few drinks she'd be at my mercy in no time" Said Irvine; reminding Riku that the boy was still sitting at his table (much to his annoyance).

"Oh my god I've finally found the reason you get laid so often Irv… Why didn't I think about it before? Chimed Axel "Obviously they'd have to be steaming drunk in order to get with you… it just makes so much sense now. I hope you have enough alcohol in your house Riku" he winked.

Irvine said nothing but promptly got up and tackled Axel to the floor, half-heartedly slapping him around his body

"Hey, hey, if you wanted to touch me Irvine, all you had to do was ask" Axel winked

As If Axel was on fire, Irvine swiftly made his way to the table, taking the time to straighten his creased uniform with his hand

"Don't come near me or so help me god I'll shoot you" he joked

"Wouldn't come within a hundred yards of you man… you're definitely not my type" Axel quipped; taking a not-too-subtle glance at the object of his affections at the other side of the room.

Huffing, Irvine sat back on his chair; taking a moment to remove his cowboy hat (how he had managed to keep it as long as he had without impugning the school dress-code, Riku had no idea) and roughly messed up his hair with his fingers;

"Whatever. I bet all of you secretly wished I were a fag just so you could get with me".

Ignoring Irvine completely; Axel turned to his best friend

"So uhh… you gonna go ask or am I the only one with enough balls to do it?" He joked.

Riku sighed. A part of him did want to ask. But it kept being overshadowed by this reluctance to introduce Sora into his life. He didn't want the boy to see who he was in reality. Riku thought it would be better if Sora just knew the obvious, built-up image the school had created for him. God knows what he'd think. There's no way a guy that bright and cheerful and innocent would want to bother with someone as damaged as him. It would be for the best if they never got to know each other… no matter how much Riku might secretly have wanted it.

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After several minutes of silence, Axel took it upon himself to ask the two boys to the party… for Riku's sake of course.

He wasn't sure who he was trying to fool. He liked the boy; he couldn't help it. He had spotted the blonde a few days ago. He was always a slave for his hormones and this time was no exception. He wanted him. He wanted to talk and get to know him but a part of him (albeit a large part) wanted to just fuck him senseless. He looked perfect. He had just the right amount of attitude and rebellion but Axel could tell that it hadn't shown its true potential yet; that he still had enough innocence to be shown the ropes. The thought sent a chill down his spine; oh how he'd like to be the one to further his dangerous side.

Confidently approaching the table, he could feel the glares of various students. What would a "trouble maker" be doing around a table of (let's face it) do-gooders? Even the people on the table he aimed for stopped mid conversation to gaze up at him confusedly.

He clocked the brown haired boy. He was cute but way too innocent for Axels taste. He could tell that this boy didn't possess a nasty bone in his body and to him that was a little boring and a tad easy. Still, he focused all his attention on the brunet and quickly gave his best, fake smile.

"Hi. I'm Axel" He chimed

"We know who you are" Roxas added. A frown forming on his face. It was clear that the boy didn't like him and to Axel, it made everything even more exciting

"Glad to know you know me" Axel replied with a wink, leaving Roxas completely beetroot red and staring at the floor with embarrassment.

"Anyway I just wanted to invite you all to Riku's birthday party this Saturday. Here's his address. Don't go passing that 'round now 'cos you know he wouldn't appreciate the obsessed cheerleaders and whatnot" He laughed.

He handed the invite to Sora (after several requests from various students; he had decided to carry one or two invites around with him to save the rig moral of trying to give out instructions) who shyly took it. The brunet smiled slightly; an air of uneasiness graced his appearance.

"That's really nice of you to offer but… "

"We'll be there" Roxas quickly chimed in, snatching the invite from his brother's hand. Axel raised an eyebrow at the action but was not met with a response.

"I dunno Rox… "Pouted Sora, his carton of milk put to one side whilst he folded his arms in what appeared to be disapproval.

"You should go Sora" Axel replied "After all; you don't want to leave a little cutie like him…" Axel smiled, pointing at Roxas "…unattended all night now do you? You never know who might take advantage of him… "He trailed off, turning his back to walk away from the table. Axel could only imagine the horror Roxas might have felt at that moment. It made him squirm inside with hormonal giddiness. This party was definitely worth going to now that it had its advantages…

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"I'm not going Roxas" Sora whined at his brother once the redhead had left.

"You are going!" Protested Roxas "You know Cloud won't let me go alone and you know I'll find a way of going anyway. You can't let your younger brother go to a party alone…"

Roxas sighed. He was going to get his brother to go, whether it killed his pride or his reputation to do so. It was Riku Shinrin's party and there was no way in hell he was going to miss it. Especially because Riku would be turning 18 and would finally be allowed to supply alcohol at the event. This was the final year that Roxas could make an impression before everyone went to college.

He knew he'd get his way eventually. Sora was just too nice. All he had to do was whine and complain for a while and soon enough; he'd cave in.

"Pleeeeeeease Sora. You know you'd be doing me a huge favour. You know you want to go really" he continued.

"No" Stated Sora sternly

"Go onnnn."

"No, I mean it Roxas".

"Please. Please Sora" Said Roxas in his most whiney, pleading voice.

"I'M NOT GOING TO THAT JERK'S PARTY OK!" Sora yelled, standing up whilst slamming his hands on the canteen table for emphasis.

Roxas could see the look of horror on his brother's face at the realisation of screaming his reply for the school to hear. Sora promptly sat back down on his seat quietly, his face bright red.

"Ok… fine I'll go" He muttered from underneath his hands "but we're only staying an hour".


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